the insects that are not aliens surfing club: the mystical salty merchants

(keith) paul enters the insect trust

returning from the northern desert communes with a head full of stems and flowers, (keith) paul is overcome with joy as the young postdogger is presented with an exciting proposition - a deal with the insects that are not aliens surfing club rumoured to be valued somewhere in the double figures. a star member of the insect exhibition team, appearing in truck stops, kiosks and beat cafes across australia this summer. full of hope - gazing into the eternal turquoise sky blue lavender paisley – wishing up a dream – 1000 years ago

greatings to blake 7 from sydney, australia, and to gato heroi!

blake 7 displays the first gato heroi surfing board to touch the desperate soil of the western colonies of australia. the boys commemorated this auspicious occasion with a very gay celebration, marvelling at the cunning manoeuvrability of the keenly designed ‘space pig’ which compared favourably in all aspects of functionality, enabling the advanced rider to transverse the wave at an acute angle in a fashion conducive to 'hot' action and thrills! (upon his return to sydney, something happened to blake 7, something went pop - he lost all his bananas)

all praise postdoggerism! thank the lord (keven brennan)

gato heroi - what's on your mind? the ballad of the hip dead proclaims - 'A true postdogger in any give surf situation remains casual yet expresses through gesture, maneuver, or trick his or her relationship with the wave and the ocean's unpredictability. In this casualness, a postdogger's personalty is shown. Remember personalities differ in certain degrees from postdogger to postdogger, no right or wrong, overt or introvert. Sometimes the most functional maneuver is doing absolutely nothing and just standing there. Riding in the tube, fits the perfect example. Sometimes, just a smile fits the definition. Sometimes, just being a cool cat in the critical section and then whipping out some insane gesture when faced with the act of wave riding follows the spontaneous ethos of postdoggerism.' (Edfactor @ Gato, pic of Evan Daley Tripper entering the sacred mushroom of abstract sound on final-scenes-hot-generation-spaceship by PERO)

the truth about surfing

Thank the lord. Praise be to Keven Brennan (always). The future may yet make more sense than we could have hoped; the previous generation will be enraged to hear the spirit rising again against bland uniformity - main street surf magazines revealed as they truly are (a pack of lies) – main street surf shops crumbling – blind subordination of the individual to the faceless organization wearing thin – the quest for normalcy looking rather forlorn – a pack of lies on it’s deathbed. How so sir? Justin Bevan - northern beaches prophet meaningfully capturing the mood of crazy young allies who surf for the new dawn. Dane Peterson speculation - in love with a wild girl in golden eternity. Kent Turkich west coast distribution. Something significant is taking place – Foam Symmetry. (click on pic for the scoop, rubbernecks!)

it's a mod mod world

Extradited from the Australian colonies, Tim Crabtree (a stowaway, a mad mod, a gentleman) retraces the serpentine journey of his ancestor Rodney Sumpter through the fields, marshes and haunted castles of his homeland , somewhere between Newquay and the orbit of Neptune; carrying a suitcase full of secrets and a Middle Earth midlength – a child’s bike horn announces the insect surfer’s arrival at the Edge of Entropy – talking hedgehogs – talking clouds – rubbing shoulders with the mystical past (Merlin, The Mad Hatter) while looking like a trainee accountant.

the otchkies

Culdesac-psych-rock band The Otchkies krept out of the swamps of Tumbulgum, New South Wales, Australia, like a mist - crawling up the walls of the sad town like a scream - disjointed oriental blues - Taman Shudesque levitation – moving objects with only the will of the mind – brash cowboys wandering up the garden path to a higher plain – fairy tales and fairy floss fairly far out – head spinning beautiful sounds snatched from an eternal summer. The Insects caught up with Angus Russel from The Otchkies, or at least a strange vision of Angus, a ghost, to further explore the depths of this notorious yet hazy entity – a band name whispered by crazy mod girls in Gold Coast carparks – uttered by crazy sharpies over Chiko Rolls in front of haunted kiosks – not dared spoken about in darkened pool halls. I asked – What is The Otchkies? He responded – ‘the mystic desert it is…don’t suppose there’s any Soft Machine cover bands playing tonight?’

a far out trip into the paisley underground

Wolf girl took me down a port city street on a foggy knight – black rain – floods - something strange in a deep sea cave beneath – breathing heavy like a giant sleeping moon-monster – cracking the port city buildings, the gaol, the haunted lunatic asylum - it appeared in night-terrors – an angel of death. Wolf girl steps aside into a shadow. She picks up a jar of eternity laying in this sidesteet since 1966, which had been reopened once or twice since then, and subsequently abandoned until now. The vessel contains the secrets of the paisley undgerground. Wolf girls eye's are wild.

‘do you see my wild eyes?’

She twists the lid. Velvety clouds of joy explode from the jar, slaying the cave beast. The dark angel withers. Outcries of ecstacy! Amazing visions - salty merchants carrying new world treasures – ted spencer dripping with paisley sea tears extending through hollow sections of glee –the easybeats play wild vibrating beat in a cavern – up on a sun-soaked-hill-covered-in-dry-wild-hay-and-a-few-flowers jangly mystic guitars chime – September girls in paisley dresses trip through these fields – keven brennan surfing to love – orange skies - bobby brown raw and alive – magic 9th dimension surfing vessels – the count five – the electric prune spoon – Thomas Bexon sails by on a tiny yacht heading for the edge of the flat earth!

gentle-breeze-sunny-hillside

The paisley underground series by insect - eternal surfing boards from the summer of 66, decorated with incredibly scarce vintage paisley fabric inlays - contact insectsurf@bigpond.com

kent turkich meets the critical slide society

Kent Turkich is an aspergic hobo with a Keven Brennan fixation travelling somewhere between the edge cities of Western Australia, Noosa Heads, Queensland, and Armageddon. This head-cocking-former-professor has pursued a paradigm shift reported to him on the red telephone - a prophecy transmitted in 1966 to the present day - a disposition which anticipates and rejects! the mad insane complex which has confined the breadth of surfing into commerce and competition and alienated the individual. Despite the darkness that seeks to sell it in stylised quantities, this freek has steered usually rudderless toward timeless surfing – meddling in midlength vee bottoms, 1966 pigs and wooden bellyboards to a scratchy soundtrack of regional garage punk – shoeless tin spaghetti eating rambling in the desert – a resurrection of the self… timeless joy (click on pic for tcss link - creeps!)

noosa heads, queensland, Australia - and all the children have gone a little bit...mad

The critical slide society in the western deserts – the last wall of the castle

It has been announced that founding member of the insects that are not aliens surfing club, Kent Turkich, has secured a shady deal with Shakn’ Sam Coombes of the critical slide society, who are based in Sydney, Australia – the harbour city, on the harbour, in Sydney. The transcontinental deal, said to be valued in the tens of dollars, was secured by wire at about 6:15 pm eastern standard time, with the participants identifying the Western deserts, the suburbs on the edge of boomtown, and some of the inner city dumps, as being in need of deliverance in terms of the critical slide society ethos - a message of freedom emanating from the id - and not dissimilar to that spoken by the insect surfers themselves - a call for truth - for self - for sanctuary amongst a zombie-state fooled by illusory prosperity, by Wall Street mind merchants forging a lie, a need, a false need, for a Prado, a neat lawn the size of a golf course, and a dog to pick up after. Ladies and gentlemen and children of the desert, these are exciting times – a storm is coming and mediocrity will be washed away, like scum. Surfers on the west coast should consider their state of mind, being, and very spirit carefully before associating with this partnership, but you will definitely succumb to the ultimate temptation, the critical slide society, as it brings down the last wall of the castle (the pyramid crumbles).

Lachlan Leckies mad mad MAD! world of surfing at the noosa festival of surfing!

Marvel as the intrepid director of the Australian surfing resurrection film saga tramps through the wild-wild-Wild! darkness of haunted forests, amongst the reeds, coming from behind the patient hills like a mad moon, leaving the company of gay gnomes and vampires there, to capture the children of the resurrection, gut-sliders, sick like 66, fantastic vee bottom freeks smelling the flowers as if it’s the last day on earth, gloomy inward-looking kiosk-dwellers realising something huge and independent has come into their dreams, escaping the tragic air of the competition like death in the hidden coves – 16mm film, in vivid colour – the Australian Surfing Resurrection Film in Noosa.

good lord this is ravin' madd - radio shy-c

a mystic tide brought a madd message to the insect bat-shed tomorrow - a crazed garage lunatic from the forests of eastern europe has been eminating to the general ether all kinds of insane fuzz and garage and psychedelic, moondelic!, sounds - lost blasts of truth and outrageous insight into the universal mind of the beat of 66 - the shadows of knight - venus fly traps - sir winston and the commons - sound sounds of reality - we the people, and wolf girl, are astounded...check this ludacrous link out by clicking on the pic...derranged!

the australian surfing resurrection film madness

Since about October 1966, the great joy and diversity of surfing has been tormented by a darkness, a sickness, a spectre of doom rising from commercial enterprises and the stifling, limited version of surfing that gos with it. But the spirit has survived. How so, you ask? Ladies and gentlemen and children of the new dawn, despite the madness going-on in the 'surf' stores, the main-streets, and the corporate backrooms; a range of strange introverts, cove dwellers and kiosk lurkers have continued to uphold the most sacred aspects of the art, cosciousness and heart of surfing. A breakaway direction. Mindful surfboard riding. Defying the regime. Doing what they want on all soughts of crazy sliding vessels, flying saucers, handplanes, logs, vee bottoms, finless, mats, simmons. A mid-length manifesto? Why not? Minds free. Unshackled choices about love, life and surf. Whatever next? Whatever next? currently under production through reel dusty productions/lachlan leckie industries coolangatta hinterland

Peter Farrelly is an Insect

last night i awoke to the strangest dream - midget farrelly steering a vee bottom stubby so on edge the deck of the board was facing the face of the wave - he was strong and young and brash - aloof - he took it through the rotting pillars of a miserable haunted bat shed - i look at the moon - it blinks - and i look at my hands - they creep - and this is not a haunted house but the town of my birth - only webbed and porch-moving like coloured dirty dough - mad children mingle in the playground nextdoor - johnno babbles about the mid-length manifesto - and all this is covered in dead fog - but some moony arms signal the end of darkness - and i miss my girl badly - and i'm talking to the son-of-midgett about the resurrection - peter farrelly ariseth! - insect surfer

peter farrelly

In Noosa Heads, Queensland, Peter Farrelly (out the back) is quite a hit with the crowd. And why not? He's every bit the larrikan. It's gay times and jokes a-plenty as the nutty Norwegian executes the hard-to-pull-off 'nose ride' high and tight in the 'curl', riding the wave right into shore. Like a flock of Laughing Jackasses, the crowd goes mad. Exposed to an overdose of the 13th Floor Elevators, the Electric Prunes, the Seeds and other disturbing 'music' all too often heard in the beat clubs, surf clubs and sports halls, Peter recently lost his mind.

the insects that are not aliens surfing club gos summer-mad in noosa - sponnoed by noosa longboards

tim crabtree the mod on a scooter - tripn balls pushing pies in hastings street - look out! don't tread on that banana cake - lachlan leckie with spiders in his hair and spiders in his eyes - the most bogus head cocks - bogus board swaps - vintage pacific surfcraft sellout like the hoodoo gurus in 1987 - thomas bexonyouthgonemad - peter farally mad on makaha footage - megan wagener with flowers in her hair and flowers in her eyes - d fin - toads - loose plans and misadveture - pure joy - pure joy

tim crabtree straightens himself out in new zealand

In his earlier days he'd been to sea, learning the ropes and rigmarol of that way of life; sky-larking in a manner which defied his refined background; heir to the greater part of the potato crops covering the sad southern end of England, a fortune in spuds sustaining misadventure, wandering and tremendous joy; carbohydrates shakily upholding a rudderless course to discover the depths of the ocean as much as the cracked, impure psychology of a machine-gun intellect verging on the edge of the edge of insanity, as on the edge of the flat Earth. A sunshine coast castaway. He secured love in New Zealand. And other pleasures. Tim Crabtree understands

are you gonna be there?

i had too much to dream last night. it may seem like i'm coming on strong, but this summer will deliver a vee bottom revival as reported to me through the red telephone in a kind of whispering, just a dream from yesterday, coloured circles making their way around. quietly at first. but with increasing fidelity, mumurs from places, meddling with midlengths in california, noosa and a ragged pounding from coolangatta; rigmaroll curdling toward lift-off in january 2011. a paradigm shift started in 67 surely and rightfully realised despite the epoch of darkness which subsequently subjugated it for forty five years since the advent of commercialism, of competition, of marketing by meatheads, landlocked jocks depriving introverts and other enlightened souls of the truth they know is there, beyond the covers of the dogma they peddle as magazines, fashion and other ploys. all gods children gonna have there freedom. vee day. the vee bottom revival, noosa, summer 2011. are you gonna be there? do you understand the secrets of space and time?

THE AUSTRALIAN SURF RESURRECTION

Ladies and gentlemen and children of the insect, hot-doggers, kooks, rubbernecks, pork-choppers, cellar dwellars, swamp inhabitants, sharpies and others; allow me to lay down the following news. This is to announce the death of the thinnest regime of truth which has dominated the art of surfing since the early epochs, from 1966 until yesterday morning at about 8:13 am, whereupon a think tank to do with a new style of on-edge surfing took place on the shores of Western Australia, Australia. No longer constrained by the mad insane complex of commerciality and sanitation which has reigned down upon the freedom and joy of what would otherwise be free thinking individuals, a contingent of surfers opened their minds to new dimensions of pure surf, direct from the id, portraying the limitlessness of the art as much as themselves; forsaking the demands of rule books and time itself, of suburban mind-locked defeatism. Lachlan Leckie of Coolangatta, New South Wales. Parrish Watts, Nooosa Heads, Queensland. Kent Turkich and Jock Bahen, locals but gypsies. As the sea turned to gold, the wind subsided, these boys really turned on. A style of surfing never seen in these parts. Growing awareness of what was at hand. Of the fragments, distant moments, thoughts, realities...coming together like atoms. A consolidated movement. A head-cock in the direction of Midget, a hint of Russel Hughes, gestures taken from the breadth of the glossary but improvised, unshackled, and generally in spite of mediocrity, homogeneity.

If you go there. To Australia. Do be aware that a revolution of the self, of the spirit, is happening on those sunny shores, every very bit as much as an Australian Surf Resurrection. Kent Turkich

INSECT SURFBOARDS

The untold insight of you unshackled mind

Space time compression will testify that we are tops now as then, and these Jordan Nobel space vessels with Kent Turkich speculation will deliver YOU from the drudgery of domestic hell to the mood of the Insects That Are Not Aliens Surfing Club. Midget Farrely revivalists! Ted Spencer revisionists! Timeless surfing in an age where time is irrelevant, a borderless sea, at last. A garage rock revival...of sorts. Katoomba hey!

Australian Surf Resurrection!

Three models depicting the heights of Australian surfing in the mid to late 60s. Refined for timeless surfing – a modified Sam from the hot generation, a 67 style vee bottom stubby to cure the loveless, and a Spenceresque spoon for embryonic involvent. Pure joy friends. Pure joy...
AVAILABLE BY EASY ONLINE PURCHASE SOON THROUGH THE ORACLE FORMATION

Count 3! – a refined traditional longboard researched by Australias best log riders for surfing beautiful waves on any coast. 1966 to the present – this is timeless joy.
9’4 – 9’6, rolled bottom, flat deck, wide hips – raw and alive!

LOOK OUT MUM - THE VINTAGE PACIFIC SURF CRAFT BELLY BOARD CRAZE IS HERE TO STAY!

Sunny Noosa. Seems there's a wave at every corner. And don't the kids love it! And why shouldn't they? Sporting the latest in VPS belly board designs (they come in all the colours of the rainbow by the way) these sun sucking boys and girls are demonstrating previously unseen acts of crusher defiance, dumper dexterity, pipe proficiency; showing extraordinary skill and expertise behind the 'curl', and now you can get lucky (hang on - in the surf that is), experience the same thrill, all across Australia through Vintage Pacific Surfcraft and Insect. Hey junior can i have a go? Sure daddy-o, these come in all shapes and sizes for hangers-on and hotdoggers alike - just let go...

THE INSECT SURF JORDAN NOBEL POP ART EXPERIMENTAL TRUST TAKES FLIGHT

Jordan Nobel is an angelhearted hipster who has been otherwise engaged in the usual cosmic misadventures over the festering season (perfect days in Crescent Head, Northern, New South Wales, Australia, albeit with otherworldly figures in tow). He has landed. And just in tyme to join minds with the insect to finally complete the great Australian 66 surf resurrection, the Keven Brennan revival. The space time continuum will testify that we are tops now as then (with a gay cheerio to all our international friends, we love you all), and Jordan Nobel space vessels with Kent Turkich speculation will deliver YOU from the drudgery of domestic hell to the id of insect ideology, timeless surfing in an age where time is irrelevant, a borderless sea, at last...Our new models will emerge over the month. Rest easy, friends.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

the mystical salty merchants

while travelling in the deserts of new world america with a wild temptress on a paisley camel, lachlan leckie was infected by a strange hallucinogenic germ passed down body to body from his ancestors until it reached his own. potentially poisonous, the germ induced convultions and near death but ultimately gave rise to the mystical salty merchants.

coolangatta culdesac production - these are made by one of australia’s keenest artists and vee bottom surfers. for more information and designs, or to get one, go to http://www.thesaltymerchants.com/blograil/ or visit the australian surfing resurrection

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SOME OF THE GARAGE BANDS WE'RE INTO

ANY WILD AND OBSCURE ROCK 'N' ROLL FROM THE 1960's, including 4th Amendment, 5 Cards Stud, 13th Floor Elevators, 49th Parallel, 50th Anniversary Zoo, A-440, Abstracts, Adrian Lloyd, Al's Untouchables, Ambertones. American Zoo, Apollos Apaches, Art Guy, Baby Huey & The Babysitters, Badd Boys, Baker Street Irregulars, Banshees, Baskerville Hounds, Basooties, Bassmen, Beau Allen, Beau Hannon, Beau Havens, Beaux Jens, Beaver & The Trappers, Beep Beep & The Roadrunners, Beer, Bees, Beethovens Four, Big Beats, Big Town Boys, Billy Batson, Billy & The Kids, Billy McKnight & The + 4, Birdwatchers, Black Sheep, Blues & Things, Bo Allen, Bobby Brelyn, Bobby Fuller Four, Bobby J. & The Generations, Bobby Jameson, Bobby Roberts & The Raevons, Bojax, Botumless Pit, Bourbons, Boy Blues, Brand "X", Brave New World, Brothers & Sisters, Buck Rogers Movement, Bunker Hill, Burgundy Run, Bush, Butch Engle & The Styx, Byron & The Mortals, Canadian Rogues, Canadian Squires, Cartakers Of Deception, Carrolls Mood, Cavaliers, Cave Dwellers, Cavemen, Ceeds, Celler Dwellers, Centrees, Chapter VI, Chentelles, Cheques, Cherry Slush, Children, Children Of The Mushroom, Children Of The Night, Chimes, Chosen People, Chris Allen & The Goodtimers, Chylds, Classic 5, Claytons, Clease, Clefs Of Lavender Hill, Clockwork Orange, Cloudwalkers, Cobras, Cole & The Embers, Colony, Commons LTD, Communication Aggregation, Cosmic Tones, Country Classic Esquires, Counts IV, Crumpets, Cyclones, D.C Drifters, Dagenites, Dalek: & The Blackstones, Dan Curry & The Mentors Of Soul, Dany Wyant, Dave Myers & The Disciples, Dean Carter, Dean Kohler, Dee & Tee, Deepest Blue, Defiant 4, Denise & Company, Destiny's Children, Dewayne & The Beldettas, Dick Curtis, Dirty Shames, Dirty Wurds, Distant Cousins, Don & Jerry & The Fugitives, Don & The Agitators, Don Norman & The Other 4, Dr. T & The Undertakers, Dry Gins, Dutch Masters, Dynamic Nutones, Echoes Of Carnaby, Eddie & The Showmen, Eggheads, Electric Train, Emergency Exit, Enchanted Forest, Epics, Esquires, Evergreen Blues, Evil, Evil Inc. Group, Fabulous Pharaohs, Fading Tribesmen, Fairviews, Faros, Felicity, Fenwyck, Fever Tree, Fifth Order, Five Hungry Men, Five More, Florian Monday & His Mondos, Flower Children, Foul Dogs, Frank Ventura & The Crescents, Free Thinkers, Frog & The Toads, Furniture, Galaboochees, Gaylon Ladd, Gee Tee's, Georgy & The Velvet Illusions, Gil Batemen, Gin Gillette, Go-Betweens, Godfrey, Good Feelins', Grains Of Sand, Green Beans, Green Slime, Grotesque Mommies, Ground Floor People, Growing Pains, G's, Half-Pint & The Fifths, Harvey Russell, Hatfields, Haymarket Riot, HB & The Checkmates, Henchmen VI, High Numbers, Hogs, Holocaust, House Of Commons, Hugh McCracken & The Fanatics, Huns, Hush Puppies, Insex, Iron Horse, It's All Meat, It's Us, J. Michael & The Bushmen, J.D Blacfoot, Jack & The Beanstalks, Jack & The Rippers, Jackasses, Jaguars, James T. & The Workers, Jamie Lyons, Jay Telfer, Jelly Bean Bandits, Jerry & The Landslides, Jerry & The Others, Jerry & The Playmates, Jerry Raye, Jim Harpo Valley, Jimmy & The Offbeats, Jimmy Rabbit, Jody Dalton, Joe Degrinda, Joey Gee & The Come-ons, Joey Vine, John Browns Bodies, John English & The Lemondrops, John English & The Heathens, John Fred & His Playboys, Johnny's Uncalled For, Jolly Green Giants, Ju Ju's, Judge & Jury, Just Too Much, Just Two Guys, Kama-Del-Sutra, Kaynines, Keggs, Keith Allison, Keith Green, Keith Kessler, Kempy & The Guardians, Ken & The Fourth Dimensions, Kenny & The Kasuals, Kenny Shane, Kim Fowley, King James & The Royal Jesters, Kit & The Outlaws, Knight Riders, Landlords, Larry & The Blue Notes, Larry Mack, Last Knight, Laymen, Leo & The Prophets, Levis, Lil Boys Blue, Limey & The Yanks, Lindy Blaskey & The Lavells, Little Phil & The Night Shadows, Little Willie & The Adolescents, Livin' End, London & The Bridges, Long John & The Silvermen, Lonnie Duvall, Lord & The Flies, Lou Capri, Lou Reed & The Primitives, Lunduns, M.G & The Escorts, Mad Mike & The Maniacs, Malibus, Maltese, Man-Dells, Matthew Moore Plus Four, Me & Them Guys, Mercy Boys, Michael & The Messengers, Mike Evans, Mike's Messengers, Miller Brothers, Mods, Monocles, Motor City Bonnevilles, Mouse & The Traps, Moxies, Mr. Lucky & The Gamblers, Murphy & The Mob, Mustangs, Mystic Number National Bank, Mystics, Nervous Breakdowns, New Colony Six, New Wing, Nick Hoffman, Night Mist, Night Riders, Night Crawlers, Noah's Ark, Nobody's Children, North Atlantic Invasion Force, Odds & Ends, One Way Streets, One-Eyed-Jacks, Oshun, Other Half, Otherside, Outlaw Blues, Paul Bearer & The Hearsemen, PB And The Staunchmen, Pepper & The Shakers, Pete Morticelli, Peter & The Rabbits, Peter & The Wolves, Petrified Forest, Pharaohs, Phil & The Frantics, Piece Kor, Plato & The Philosophers, Positevely 13 O'Clock, Psycho, Pubs, Puddin' Heads, Purple Haze, Question Mark & The Mysterians, Quests, R. Rogues, Rain, Ralph Neilsen & The Chancellors, Randy & The Radiants, Randy Alvey & The Green Fuz, Randy Fuller, Randy Johnson, Ravens, Reasons Why, Red Beard & The Pirates, Richard & The Young Lions, Richie Bruce, Rick & The Rivals, Riots, Ritchie Dean, Rob Kirk & The Word, Robin & The Seven Hoods, Rocky & The Riddlers, Ronnie Rice & The Silver Bullet Band, Roy & The Bristols, Roy Head, Roy Junior, RPM's, Saharas, Samy Phillip, Satan & The D-Men, Satans, Satans Breed, Satans Chyldren, Sean & The Brandywines, Senator Bobby, Senders, Serfmen, Shadden & The King Lears, Shades, Shadows Of Knight, Shady Daze, Shandels, Sheffields Gate, Silver Fleet, Sir Winston & The Commons, Skip Ellis, Something Else, Something Wild, Sonics Inc, Sonny Flaharty & Mark V, Sonny Villegas, Soul Trippers, Souls Of Britton, Souls Of The Slain, Sounds Like Us, Soup Greens, Spider & The Mustangs, Spiders, Spires Of Oxford, Split Ends, Spontaneous Corruption, Stairways, Stan Donn, Steve Carpenter, Steve France & The Veratones, Steve Lee, Steve Walker & The Bold, Symon Grace & The Tuesday Blues, Tangents, Teddy & His Patches, Teddy Boys, Terry Dee & The Roadrunners, Terry Knight & The Pack, Terry Randall, Terry Teen & The Tweaks, The 3rd Evolution, The 5, The 5 Canadians, The 12 A.M, The Aardvarks, The Abandoned, The Acoustics, The Alarm Clocks, The Amberjacks, The Answers, The Apollos, The Ascendors, The Ascots, The Atlantics, The Avengers, The Aztecs, The Aztex, The Backgrounds, The Bad Boys, The Bad Roads, The Bad Seeds, The Balloon Farm, The Ban, The Bandits, The Barbarians, The Barking Spyders, The Barracudas, The Basement Wall, The Bats, The Beaten Path, The Beatin' Path, The Beaver Patrol, The Beckett Quintet, The Bees, The Bel-Airs, The Benders, The Bends, The Berries, The Bethlehem Exit, The Black & Blues, The Blue Crystals, The Bold, The Bondsmen, The Boss Tweeds, The Bougalieu, The Boys Next Door, The Breakers, The Brigands, The Brogues, The Bruthers, The Brymers, The Bugs, The Burlington Express, The Caretakers, The Castaways, The Centuries, The Chancellors, The Chargers, The Chayns, The Checkmates, The Chessmen, The Children, The Children Of Darkness, The Chob, The Chocolate Balloon, The Chocolate Moose, The Chocolate Pickles, The Chocolate Watchband, The Choir, The Chosen Few, The Cicadelics, The Cindells, The Cindermen, The Cirkyt, The Cliques, The Clue, The Coachmen, The Cobwebs, The Continentals, The Cords, The Count Five, The Country Gentlemen, The Crazy Teens, The Creations, The Crucibles, The Customs Five, The Cynics, The Dantes, The Darelyks, The Dark Horsemen, The David, The Daybreakers, The Dearly Beloved, The Debonaires, The Del-Vetts, The Denims, The Descendents, The Different Parts, The Dogs, The Dovers, The Driving Stupid, The Druids, The Du-Cats, The Ebb Tides, The Echoes, The Edge Of Darkness, The Elastik Band, The Electras, The Electric Company, The Electric Prunes, The Elite, The Elite UFO, The Emperors, The Enemy's, The End, The Era Of Sound, The Escapades, The Ethics, The E-Types, The Exotics, The Fabs, The Fallen Angels, The Fanatics, The Fe-Fi-Four Plus 2, The Few, The Five Americans, The Five Of Us, The Fountain Of Youth, The French Church, The Fugitives, The Galaxies IV, The Gants, The Gentlemen, The Gentle-Men, The Gentlemen Wild, The Gentrys, The Gestures, The Glass Sun, The Godz, The Gonn, The Grapes Of Wrath, The Graveyard 5, The Great Scots, The Grifs, The Grodes, The Groop, The Groupies, The Hallmarks, The Hangmen, The Harbinger Complex, The Hard Times, The Haunted, The Headstones, The Heard, The Heart Attacks, The Heathens, The Henchmen, The Hides, The Hombres, The Human Beings, The Human Beinz, The Human Expression, The Humane Society, The Humans, The Hysterics, The Illusions, The Impact Five, The Inmates, The Inn Crowd, The Innsmen, The Interns, The Intruders Five, The In-Vaders, The Invasion, The Jagged Edge, The Jammers, The Jay-Bees, The Jesters Of Newport, The Journeymen, The Kidds, The Kings Ransom, The K-Otics, The Landels, The Last Word, The Legend, The Lemon Drops, The Litter, The Little Boy Blues, The Live Wires, The Living Children, The Lollipop Shoppe, The Looking Glasses, The Lost Generation, The Loved Ones, The Luv Bandits, The Lyrics, The Mach V, The Magic Mushrooms, The Magic Plants, The Magic Reign, The Magicians, The Marauders, The Mark IV, The Merylnn Tree, The Merseylads, The Merseymen, The Mile Ends, The Modds, The Moguls, The Montells, The Moon Dawgs, The More-Tishans, The Morning Dew, The Mother Goose, The Motifs, The Motion, The Motivations, The Mourning Reign, The Movement, The Movin' Morfomen, The Myddle Class, The Mystic Five, The Mystic Tide, The Mystics, The New Fugitives, The Nightcaps, The Niteriders, The Noblemen, The Nocturnals, The Nomads, The Novas, The Old Exciting Scot Richard Case, The Olivers, The Omens, The Ones, The Opposite Six, The Orange Wedge, The Other Half, The Others, The Outcasts, The Outer Limits, The Outspoken Blues, The Oxford Circle, The Painted Faces, The Painted Ship, The Palace Guards, The Pandas, The Passions, The Pattern, The People, The Perils, The Pilgrimage, The Pilgrims, The Plague, The Plastic Blues Band, The Pleasure Seekers, The Preachers, The Precious Few, The Premiers, The Primates, The Prodigal, The Pseudos, The Pulsating Heartbeats, The Purple Underground, The Quarrymen, The Quid, The Rationals, The Rats, The Ravenz, The Raves, The Ravin' Blue, The Raymarks, The Ready Men, The Rear Exit, The Rebounds, The Red Dogs, The Reddlemen, The Regiment, The Remaining Few, The Remains, The Retreds, The Rising Tides, The Rites Of Spring, The Road, The Road Runners, The Rock Garden, The Rogues, The Rogues Five, The Rollin' Ramsaxes, The Romancers, The Ron Wray Lightshow, The Ron-De-Voos, The Royal Flairs, The Ruins, The Rumblers, The Rumors, The Sands Of Time, The Satisfied Minds, The Savages, The Savoys, The Scotsmen, The Scurvy Knaves, The Second Helping, The Seeds, The Seeds Of Time, The Shades Of Night, The Shadows Five, The Shag, The Shames, The Shandells, The Sheppards, The Sherwoods, The Shy Guys, The Sires, The Sloths, The Snails, The Social Outcasts, The Sonics, The Sons Of Adam, The Sons Of Barbie Doll, The Soul Vendors, The Sound Barrier, The Sounds Of Randall, The Spades, The Sparkles, The Spats, The Specters, The Spectrums, The Squires, The Standells, The Starfires, The Starlites, The State Of Mind, The Stereo Shoestring, The Steve Peele Five, The Stoics, The Stompers, The Strangeloves, The Swamp Rats, The Sweet Acids, The Syndicate Of Sound, The Syndicate, The Tamrons, The Tasmanians, The Tempo's, The Thingies, The Things To Come, The Third Bardo, The Third Booth, The Thunderbolts, The Tigermen, The Torquays, The Trademarks, The Travel Agency, The Tree, The Tribe, The Trojans Of Evol, The Tropics, The Tumblers, The Ugly Ducklings, The Undecyded, The Undertakers, The Uniques, The Unknowns, The Untamed, The US Four, The Vandals, The Vectors, The Vejtables, The Vestells, The Viceroys, The Village Outcast, The Villians, The Vydels, The Wailers, The Wanted, The War-Babies, The Warlords, The Weird Street Carnival, The Werps, The Why Four, Thw Wild, The Wild Knights, The WordD, The Wyld, The X-Cellents, The Yardleys, The Yo Yo's, The Young Men, The Zephyrs, Thee Midniters, Thee Saints & The Prince Of Darkness, Thee Sixpence, Theze Few, Things, Things To Come, Thursday's Children, Tiffany Shade, Tikis, Time Stoppers, Tom Thumb & The Casuals, Tombstones, Tommy Jett, Tonto & The Renegades, Traits, Trans-Atlantic Subway, Tremors, Trespassers, Treytones, Triumphs, Turfits, Twiliters, Ty Wagner, Tyme, Uncle Ben & The Wild Rice, Underdogs, Unrelated Segments, Vacels, Velvet Illusions, Von Ruden, W.C Fields Memorial Electric String Band, Warden & His Fugitives, Warlocks, We The People, We Who Are, Weejuns, Wet Paint, Wild Childs, William Penn & The Quakers, Worlocks, Wrong Numbers, Ye Court Jesters, Yesterday's Children, Young Executives, Young Lions, Zakary Thaks, Zone V, Zorba & The Greeks, AND A COUPLE OF OTHERS...

DAWN OF THE INSECT

The insect life is a damning portrayal of a groups disengagement with the rules of surfing, science and society in fervour of riding 67 style longboards, 68 style vee bottoms and 69 style spenceresque spoons (amongst other forgotten, functionally fulfilling equipment) while sporting soiled stubbies, rubber and moustaches (not so much on the sisters).With their jazz addled philosophies on life, lust and loot, and scant regard for good taste, these delinquents surf in the kind of demented manner which has inspired indifference from the local thrusterology up and down the harsh, haunted coast of Western Australia and the sublime tropical slumber of Noosa. At least average, and usually god.Built from nothing but high hopes and thin air, and fervant from too many viewings of The Hot Generation, Evolution and Sea of Joy - while listening to a mind melting amount of 60s garage punk and Las Vegas grind - there is no cure for the disease which is The Insects That Are Not Aliens Surfing Club. Rest easy children, for tomorrow they may wake up dead.

TRUTH IN SURFING - THE RECENT HISTORY OF SURFING ACCORDING TO THE INSECTS

The more recent history of surfing represents a spiritually productive period for our species during which the thirst for self expression provoked the changing shape and function of surfboards in a manner reflective of personal growth, the awakening of the human mind, and the enrichment of culture in general. Not withstanding the highly tuned alaia and other raw, wooden equipment which sprouted in parallel amongst ancient maritime societies, over the last 60 years new ideas have found a footing in improved technological proficiency, so that the a surfer’s trajectory on a wave has come to befit the boundless nature of reality and of the soul itself.

In Australia in the early 60s surfboards embodied the culture of the times: straight and limiting. Rudimentary, raw and easily capable of breaking your leg, these 9 to 10 foot boards were ruddered by a ‘D’ shaped skeg intent on maintaining the most direct fall line. Regardless, adopting the secrets of Californian cool relinquished by the Gidget movies, an army of grotty youths in tan desert boots embraced the craze, their bag a conspiracy of Phil Edwards’ functional dexterity, Miki Dora’s dark, beatnik mystique, and garnering some of the grace of Mary Ann Hawkins. Fusing Middle Eastern rhythms with those of Manly Beach peelers, the Atlantics broke like a storm with the crash and tumble of Bombora, just as the momentum of the surfing movement peeked in Australia, propelling the mantis prancing Australian superstar Midget Farrelly to world champion. By the end of 1964, however, the Beatles had beaten interest in Midget and the surfing fad itself with Mersey-beat. Surfboard design, on the other hand, began a metamorphosis.

By 1965, as the Easybeats chirped She’s So Fine in a Kinksy flurry that spawned Easyfever, Sydneyside surfers buzzed to the newly found flexibility of increasingly raked, hydrodynamic fins emerging from the think tank surrounding the World Titles in the preceding year. Boards remained heavy: wooden stringers and double 12 ounce fibreglass cloth cemented that condition. But new concepts were infiltrating like worm holes. Concave surfaces and other design quirks elevated the nose of the surfboard, allowing ascendency to the all but religious nose riding manoeuvre which had slid over from the United States. David Nuuhiwa was at the tip of the noseriding fetish in the California, clocking up astounding perch time on the front of his signature vessels. But around the time psyche pop group the Strawberry Alarm Clock were thinking up the slight hit Incense and Peppermints, Australian Surfers were dreaming up a new style of on-edge surfing.

In 1966 Nat Young won the World Title. Nuuhiwa was relieved of his throne, noseriding took a dive and was blown away. Cheekily, John Witzig announced in Surfer Magazine -What is the future? We’re on top and will continue to dominate world surfing. California surfing is so tied and stifled by restrictions that are its own creation, and the other countries simply do not have the necessary abilityIronically it was expat Californian kneeboarder (and, strangely enough, purveyor of the blow-up surfmat) George Greenough who perceived a line between the fin morphology of pelagic fish and surfboard fin design, and began to draw it. Sporting tiny shorts in floral or beige, helmet haircuts and the occasional Paul McCartney Sergeant Pepper era wispy moustache, a small ensemble of maverick Aussie surfers went on the run. Roused by Greenough’s tube riding insights and the challenge mounted against normal notions of perception by Bob McTavish, hot young riders including Ted Spencer and Keven Brennan fled the city for the northeastern pointbreaks and, with flowers in their eyes, brought about boundary busting board lengths and curl teasing cutbacks that came to define the new freedom in the blissed-out Hot Generation. Victorian super kid Wayne Lynch watched on from Lorne, soon to break through. Caressing the curl, saluting the soup and cocking the head pushed involvement with the power of the wave. The shackles of straight line surfing enforced by limited thought and single minded ‘D’ fins had been unpicked. At the same time, popular music squeezed out of the orderly blue print prescribed by Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly, transported toward free form jazzy meandering and fifth dimensional aspirations. Rules regarding clothing were discarded. Haircuts were cancelled. Belts loosened. But as Adelaide’s Masters Apprentices lurched into rambling blues solos and long-winded progressive rock jams, the turning and speed mastering ability afforded by Greenough’s foils meant boards became shorter.

In an effort to bring turning to a crescendo, the stringerless vee-bottom stubby made contact in 1967 in the form of Bob McTavish’s Plastic Machine. Probably fervent from too much springtime exuberance and the scent of approaching psychedelia, the heralding of the cricket season in that year seemed to infect the design tendencies of the rhythm and blues loving former disc jockey, who responded by placing what looked like the back of a Grey-Nichols cricket bat on the bottom of what were typically 8 foot boards. The lysergic soaked confusion of the film The Fantastic Plastic Machine gives a glimpse of the stupidly proportioned space vessels performing in misty, mushy conditions on Sydney shores. Wayne Lynch slept to the sites of a 360 degree barrel role, rising to shape an ironing board to realise his vision, complete with child-like graphics querying as Jimmy Hendrix-

Are you experienced?

But in Hawaii, McTavish spun out. Befriending the islanders and their intricate pintails, the Honolua Sessions gave birth to more refined pocket rockets, trackers and eggs. The reign of the vee-bottom was vaporous. Its effects were eternal; especially on THE INSECTS THAT ARE NOT ALIENS SURFING CLUB. This is the golden(top) era.

Evolution and Sea of Joy showcase the diversity of board shapes bubbling and popping through this transition, all to the avante garde timing of Taman Shud; delivering a brain jolting analogy for a society set free from the constraints of the past, of orthodoxy. Morning of the Earth confirms that growth. The shortboard revolution was assured; the boards clean and pointed with down-rails. Paul Witzigs languid account of country soul single fin migration suggests -

We are the measure of all things. And the beauty of our creation, of our art is proportional to the beauty of ourselves. Jonas Mekas

The meditative Morning of the Earth upholds that sense to the present, as a reference point for searchers. Furthermore, as a fort for the mentality of soul and freedom through surfing, the movie and its folky soundtrack have stood against erosion by those forces which seek to forge the thinnest edge of surfing’s truth upon an innocent market. By the 1970s business was getting in the way. Even so, there were many great surfers. Michael Peterson hid behind Kirra walls. Mark Richardson soared. Cheyne Horan was as brattish as he was brilliant. His winged keel clad Lazer Zap was mint. Breaking out of the west and refusing to fade like INXS, Ian ‘Kanga’ Cairns was monstrous. Paying homage to the early 70s bonza (devised by Californias Campbell brothers) Simon Anderson devised the thruster setup, enabling unreal slashabilty. The corporations pounced. The 1980s saw surfing take on a garish capitalist face like fluorescent pink zinc as competition and aggression severed its soulful roots.Recovery.

As ‘shorts’ promoting major brands approached the ankles like banners, and the colour faded on competition surfing, San Diego’s Joel Tudor re-assessed. Dumping modern shortboards and longboards alike, he picked up where Nuuhiwa left off, reimagining the very same equipment in use just prior to the shortboard revolution and asking ‘what if?’ Joel visited the past in the context of the future. He transcended all the conditions that connive toward one fashion, one truth, and proceeded to relearn the riding of vintage logs, barely updated Donald Takayama cruisers and odd Evolution era eggs. More jazz than rock, mimicking Miles Davis: an appreciation for the spaces between the major moves. The cocky but respectful genius reinstated surfing as a vehicle for dodging imposed notions of normality. That approach was scavenged by a barrage of frothing surfers, artists and punks such as Alex Knost, CJ Nelson and Jai lee. And in a development which continues to contemporary times amidst a legion of enlightened youths, incredible female surfers taking their rightful place as the most stylish on the planet, and emancipated seniors, Joel Tudor presented the limitless array of surfing equipment and behaviours as once again acceptable, re-establishing the hallowed basis of its conception -

Surfing as a means to self expression, timeless truth, joy.

copyright kent turkich 2009

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